I was raised in a family whose foundation was built on secrets, lies, drug addiction, and depression. My mother was addicted to sleeping pills and opiates, and as a 12-year-old, I used her drugs to pull myself out of my childhood depression. We lived on the dark side of life. Nothing was real except Pinocchio and the tooth fairy. It made perfect sense that as a child, I gravitated toward the dark side, and my poetry reflects that. It was not surprising that I became a physician, caring for those who suffered emotional and physical pain.

 

Addiction to alcohol and drugs leads to prison, mental illness, and death. Outside of the pandemic, addiction is the number one cause of death in the world. What is most interesting is that addiction is the only chronic, progressive, and terminal disease where one can choose to recover. Abstinence and support are the hallmarks of a successful recovery.

 

We speak about the dark side because it is a place where active alcoholics and addicts live. Over time, recovery turns on the lights in one’s life. They become aware of the darkness, but they live in the light. They understand that recovery is a choice, a choice recovering addicts make one day at a time. They experience a healthy way of living and thinking that supports a stable job, a stable family, and a stable emotional life. Recovery is a gift.

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The truth can be ugly and unkind. Secrets and lies attempt to hide the dirt and twist the truth. The dark side occupies space in our brain and can chip away at our soul. Lies have a metastatic life of their own, and we are only as sick as our secrets. Recovery treats the darkness and the secrets.

 

I attended Northwestern University Medical School, and I completed my residency training in Emergency Medicine at the University of Chicago. Gangs, trauma, murder, addiction, madness, pain, and death filled the emergency department, a perfect environment for someone with my family history. Ultimately, I specialized in addiction medicine.
 

I am a retired assistant professor of Medicine and a retired Medical Director of the Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center’s Chemical Dependency program. I was also a consultant to their Department of Psychiatry and the Dissociative Disorder (Multiple Personality) Program.

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